Tao Te Ching XI: We Are Good Enough Just As We Already Are

I don't really stop and I know that I should. I try to stop but I can't and besides this blog is "Good For My Self Esteem". And I really need that right now. By God, do I always need that. I really like internet towers and I really like wind farms.

When I was 17 I went on a school trip to the South of France, near Spain. 

There were so many magical internet towers, high up in the mountains.

They might have been phone masts you know. 

It's all the same thing to me.

Sorry. 

I can't really distinguish between them.

It feels like the internet towers are all still speaking to me from back there.

I love them so so much I love them.

What can we learn from this Tao Te Ching's verse?

Again this isn't my favourite translation.

I believe that it is Brian Browne Walker who said "It is the empty space that makes things liveable."

I was exhausted (although I just ate breakfast - at 12 noon in spite of getting up at 7 - oops - and that really helped).

But sometimes we need breaks in order for the inspiration to bubble up from there.

Sometimes we need breaks to process things.

I should know the best. I'm autistic.

"It is the space within that makes it useful"

I want to bring femininity to software engineering.

Emotions; space; empty space; silence.

I don't mean being a woman although as a woman I might embody some more feminine qualities naturally (I think of myself as a very feminine woman so that would make sense). 

I mean feminine qualities that anyone can emobody; the "yin" of "yin and yang". This is a Taoist blog, after all. I want it to be okay to show weakness and vulnerability and emotions.

To take time to process things.

To be slow. (Sometimes, when I need to be. Not at critical and crucial stages in features and software development).

To talk about my feelings.

I work with mostly men

In my last job I only worked with men.

In my current job I have two wonderful women who I meet weekly in a data stand-up but other than that my colleagues who I work with are all men.

This is fine.

They are wonderful and I love them.

I really really love my male colleagues.

However one thing that I have found is that the types of male colleagues I often end up working closely with can be slow to give positive feedback. I absolutely love working with men who are demanding, and stern, and who have high standards. 

I get so much done with this kind of person and I can be productive and work so well. But I miss sometimes just a tiny bit more positive feedback along the way. (There are exceptions. If you are reading this and you know who you are, then you know who you are). In software engineering in general the standards are so high and it feels like sometimes you have to be perfect before someone says "good job". I feel as if a more feminine approach is to give more praise and feedback and positive reinforcement along the way. 

But who am I to judge? I have the highest standards in the world. When I coach aspiring engineers sometimes, I am probably the person who places the highest standards on them in the world. So who am I to judge? Who am I to judge, really? "Cut doors and windows for a room."

I absolutely love working with who I work with anyway.

It's just in a last job I worked with two really amazing and serious and stern colleagues and on the day I got laid off they both said to me: "Susanna! You absolutely need to keep on coding! This is what you must do." And I was shocked and stunned. I had never expected they were going to say this to me. And it was the best compliment of my life. Worth getting laid off for. Thank you. Thank you so so much. Thank you. Thanks.

Thank you everybody who has been a part of my journey with me and this my crazy crazy journey of mine.

I need to make a bit of space in my life

What for? For breathing.

For hanging up the laundry (and not taking days to do it and having to wash it all again and then still waiting til the last minute again).

Where do I get this space from? From 6 pm finishes.

From not working all weekend. When will I do my Python courses? End of day, in quiet times, maybe occasionally a little bit after 6 or after hours.

Usefulness comes from what is not there

Sometimes I feel like I have to be productive.

Sometimes I feel like I have to be productive to be "Good Enough." I think we all think and feel that we have to be productive to be "Good Enough." 

I want to uncouple my usefulness from my self worth.

I want to remember that Love is.

Love just is.

We are already perfect. We already perfect as we are.

We are already perfect, we are already good enough, we are already more than enough - just as we are.

Thank you.

Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 11

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;
It is the center hole that makes it useful.
Shape clay into a vessel;
It is the space within that makes it useful.
Cut doors and windows for a room;
It is the holes which make it useful.
Therefore profit comes from what is there;
Usefulness from what is not there.