Tao Te Ching, Verse VI: Go With The Flow

"Use it; it will never fail."

I am getting closer and closer to talking about this on my platforms and for some reason it seems that maybe today is the day.

I have spent the last 15 years of my life suffering with an extremely debilitating health condition.

That's it; the cat's out of the bag.

I was expecting to reveal it some day but maybe not like this.

I have spent the last 15 years of my life suffering with really serious non-epileptic seizures; they have definitely lessened in recent years and that's why I can work; they have improved dramatically in the last year or so as well and apart from a recent flare up they have been infinitely much, much, much, much better. I don't take anything for granted. I don't take the ability to walk down the street for granted. I don't take the ability to work for granted. I didn't take the ability to study for granted and I probably should continue not to take the ability to live independently for granted although that hasn't been a concern for at least 6 or so years ever since I started using my diet to improve my health.

It's still an ongoing process, but I keep on getting closer. Ask me about how many ambulances I have been, how many floors I have lain on or how many strangers I have had to befriend just to survive every single seizure.

That's not who I am.

Who I am is someone who discovered their passion for coding and software engineering at the age of 28. 

Who I am is someone who moved incredibly quickly into doing this full time and professionally in their career. Who I am is the author of 330+ technical blog posts in much less than two years, AND COUNTING!!! Who I am is someone who loves pylons and offshore wind farms.

Who I am is someone who loves Alan Turing.

"Use it; it will never fail." In 2017->2022/2023 I experienced the massive flare up from hell from these seizures and it became almost impossible to go outside without them.

During that time I completed my first degree and got two more, and worked for 3 years in 2 companies.

The Tao Te Ching came to me at this time - I had had it at home and seen quotes from Lao Tzu before and loved them but the audiobook came up on my YouTube just as they were getting worse and this advice got me through.

To use the Tao means to not struggle, to not fight things. That is how I have survived over 3000+ extremely painful, terrifying, and uncomfortable, and debilitating non-epileptic seizures where I am often not believed that they are real and where I am not treated very well because people don't understand the symptoms and they have never seen them before.

I use this Taoist logic now every day in my software engineering work. I don't fight things.

If my manager is having a word with me about something, this is because I need to learn from it. It is because I need to learn from it and grow for the best. If a meeting gets cancelled, it was meant to be.

Every time I get stuck on a problem, there is always someone or something that can help.

Whether it is a senior, or a mentor, or my manager, or the questions channel, or chat GPT there is always something I can do to unblock myself. And if I am waiting there is always some Python learning work that I can be doing.

Every challenge that comes up is for the best. Every challenge that comes up for me is meant to be.

Every challenge that comes up for me at work - and I get a lot, partly due to my neurodiversity, and partly due to the fact that I have moved very fast across many fields and am moving at a very hight rate - and least I have been so far up unto this stage - this can come with many challenges too (which I would still always rather take than not grow, btw) - is for the best, is for the absolute best, is for me to grow, is so that i can grow - thank you xxxx. 💙

But really what this means for me is to

• use my love
• use my passion for software engineering
• use my love for Alan Turing
• every single day
• use my love that i have from those who support me
• use my passion
• use the feeling that i have that i know this is my purpose
• use the feeling that i have that i know this is my life purpose - thank you so so so much - thank you xxx

 because i was BORN TO BE AN ENGINEER.

Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 6

The valley spirit never dies;
It is the woman, primal mother.
Her gateway is the root of heaven and earth.
It is like a veil barely seen.
Use it; it will never fail.